Stress Piggy to the Rescue

This is Stress Piggy:

Isn't he cute, just sitting there on top of the fan?  Hi Piggy!

Stress Piggy does more than just look cute.  He can help show what kind of a day I'm having.

For example when I found out my son had gone to a park with 3 friends yesterday and NOT maintained 6 feet among them, here is what Stress Piggy looked like:

That's right, pretty freakin' freaked out.  Red alert.  All crew report to battle stations.

But after I "hugged" Stress Piggy a while, my level of anxiety reduced to something like this:

More like a yellow alert, set phasers to Stun sort of feeling.

There are times when I start to slip back, though, and that isn't very pretty.  It looks like this:

Yikes Piggy!  I'm sorry.

Let's take a deep breath and pet the dog, and use our hand sanitizer, and feel better.  Yes, that's great.  

Thank you so much Stress Piggy!

The Best that We Can

It's Wednesday.  Day 3 of my "personal leave" which my employer was kind enough to grant me due to health concerns regarding Covid-19.  I can use vacation time, or take time off without pay.  I may be able to go back to work to perform tasks not related to direct patient care, if they are offered or available.  My employer as an organization, my supervisor, and my coworkers are all being so kind and supportive.  Most of my coworkers are still seeing patients.  I am so grateful to them.  I can't overstate that, how grateful I am to my team.

Here at home, the old ladies woke up the teenage boy at 10:45 a.m. by (heavens!) laughing loudly in the living room.  Oops.  This is one of those times when we should all just think "X, Y, or Z is just doing the best that they can."  (Thanks Brene Brown!)

Last night I watched Stop Making Sense on VUDU.  Then I watched clips from the SNL show a few weeks ago hosted by John Mulaney and with David Byrne as the musical guest.  Then I made my daughter watch the clips.  (Sorry kids, I'm just doing the best that I can.)

Every day Mr Main Squeeze and I meet up to walk the dog out at Rymer Park.  We get our daily dose of vitamin D, exercise, and each other that way.  Tomorrow weather permitting I'm hoping we can get out to Funks Grove for a longer walk. 

This morning I got out my "go book" and checked that all my documents, including my will, are up to date.  I know that sounds depressing, but I was relieved that for the most part it was in order.  And I was proud of myself for doing it instead of just thinking "oh I should go through my documents...." then falling asleep.    I have been thinking about death more lately for obvious reasons.  Some times it's with fear, or anger, and sometimes with peace.  I hope I'm ready when the time comes.  I have spent more time thinking about what happens after we die.  I'm in a stage of wishful thinking about that.  Trying to imagine it's the best it can be. 

This morning while meditating I listened to some music and watched beautiful video of trees, rivers, mountains, clouds, stars, the planet from space.  That's what my wishful thinking mind wants.  But there should also be music.  Not just spacey meditation music, but also my favorite songs on a long rotating schedule. Also the sound of red-wing blackbirds from Rymer Park.  And some quiet times. 

Speaking of music, after encouragement from friends I ordered some Air Pods.

 My son showed me how to use them so I didn't have to read the directions.  (I think in my perfect afterlife I won't have to read directions EVER.)   I can walk around the house listening to music and dancing a bit, and singing along at times, and for the most part not bother anyone.  So maybe I'm already in the Wishful Thinking Afterlife.  Yes, I think I may well be!

Tough Decisions

Yesterday while driving to my last patient's home, I heard the news on the radio of the first COVID-19 fatality in Illinois.  A woman in her 60s with an underlying health condition died in a Chicago hospital.

I'm in my 60s.

I have an underlying health condition.

I finally woke up and called human resources where I work to find out what would be required for me to take a leave of absence.  It's actually pretty simple.

Before that I reached out to my physicians.  Afterwards I reached out to my pastor.

I am really struggling with what to do here.  I don't like to admit that I might be vulnerable, more vulnerable than the average bear.  I don't like to drop the ball at work.  I also don't want to end up in ICU or a pine box soon.

This is not an easy decision.  For the next few days I will continue working in home health care.  We are much needed right now to get people who can be home out of the hospital, to clear beds for the wave of patients with the virus that we hope will never come.  Until there is a local case I think I will keep working.  Once it gets a little closer, I will probably opt to stay home.

Work is the only place I am going right now.  And that's what I'm going to do today.  Tomorrow is another matter.

We Need the Funk

Things I think about to keep from worrying in the midst of this pandemic:

1.  Right now, at this moment, I am healthy.  '

2.  My house is warm.  

3. I have clean water to drink from the tap.  

4.  My kids are both home with me and they are healthy. 

5.  My sister lives here with me and she is healthy.

6.  We have some food.

7.  We have some toilet paper.

8.  The pets are happy and oblivious to the news.  They are my role models today.

9.  I have wine.  (These are definitely NOT in order).

10.  I'm pretty sure I still have a job.

11.  I know how to use hand sanitizer, soap and water,  surface wipes, and if necessary personal protective equipment (gloves, gowns, masks) to effectively to protect myself and my patients.

12. There is internet for news, movies, and even reruns of prior sporting events if I need a fix.

13.  There are online books from my library.  I'm rereading The Testaments right now.   I also have several books on the shelf that I've not read or that I would love to reread.

14.  I have time to meditate.

15.  There is hot water for showers.  (For all of us.  Including teens home from school.  Whew!)

16..  We have several musical instruments in the house and my daughter knows how to play most of them.  So more entertainment options.  

17.  My kids are old enough that I don't need to worry about childcare while schools are closed.

18.  I can go outside for walks.

Speaking of walks I made it to Funks Grove today.   It was BEAUTIFUL!

  

The Silver Surfer

The Silver Surfer circa 2020

Yes, it looks like an ordinary Hyundai 2003 Elantra, with a 5 speed manual transmission and quite a bit of rust at this point.  And yes that is some weird silver tape behind the front passenger tire and indeed there is a big dent further back where some older fellow, who was taking pain medication after surgery, backed into her in the lot at Menards with his brand new huge truck, and the police said accidents in parking lots, sorry, no tickets, you're all on your own.  And of course the brand new huge truck was undamaged.  Of course.

But rust and dents and age aside, this car has been in my life one way or another for 17 years and that is most of the life I've shared with my kids.  I bought this car new in 2003 because it was getting to be really difficult to put 2 infants-toddlers in the back seat of my 2-door Toyota Tercel.  (I loved my Tercel, too, but that's another blog for another day).  So I went for a 4-door, and a new car, reliable (see above, 2 small people)  And boy has she been reliable.  I drove her for 10 years without major incident, except for the 2 times she overheated, both times while I was working in home health care, and both times in Lexington, Illinois.  

The first time she overheated I was in the middle of the country, and after I pulled over and called a tow truck to come pick her up, I was blessed to have a state police car pull up and offer me a ride to the mechanic.  I stood there and stewed, and finally asked, "If I'm not in trouble do I sit in the front or the back seat?'  I was relieved to get to sit up front.  And the other time I made it to the mechanic on our own terms but as a result had to have the head gasket replaced.  Oops lesson learned.

Then after 10 good years I passed her on to Mr. Main Squeeze who has driven her for another 7 years.  

The Silver Surfer didn't get her name until Mr Squeeze and my daughter, super-hero fans both, decided that is what she'd be called.  The Marvel Silver Surfer isn't female, but hey that's all fluid these days anyway. 

Today she has taken us safely over 212,000 miles.  And tomorrow she will be driven away by a friend of a friend who needs a car, and has little money but does have some serious handyman skills and we will be making a trade later this year.  Car in March for work on my falling down garage ceiling in June.  

The Silver Surfer carried Mr Squeeze or I back and forth between Illinois and Ohio many a time while we courted and later when he went to Ohio to visit family.  She's been a good reliable friend.   She will be missed.  On the other hand, she will just be across town in case I need a visit.