Part of the Plan

As a home health physical therapist I spend a lot of my work week in the car.  I usually keep my radio on NPR to keep up with news or enjoy the interviews on shows such as The 1A or Fresh Air.  But sometimes the topics of the current day feel like a weight so heavy on my heart that I need a reprieve, so I switch over to a music station.

There are three local music stations I like and one of them is usually playing something I enjoy.   Sometimes that's not the case and I turn the radio off and listen to the glorious quiet of a drive along a country road.  Yesterday that's exactly what I did, heading out west of town to a country home and not wishing to ruin the gorgeous view of fields and trees painted white with snow the day before, the snow glistening in the clear sunny sky.  The roads I took were fairly remote after I turned off Yuton Road and there were several turns, some areas not as well cleared of snow as others, and a few steep hills, at least by McLean County standards.  I had to watch my map app to make sure I didn't get lost, watch the road conditions, and couldn't help watching the scenery as well. The radio was off, it was quiet, and quite lovely. 

On my way home I took a different route, recommended by my patient's son, and was able to return via a 2-lane highway that had been well cleared and was a familiar route to me.  So I turned the radio back on and the song that came on just as I was heading back into town was one that was popular in my high school days.  I knew all the words by heart, having sung it many times during the 70s when it was popular.  The song was not one of the greatest hits of all time, or even a song I had thought much about all these years between.  But singing along with it made me nostalgic for my younger self, for that stage when I was just beginning to move toward adulthood and I believed anything was possible if I could just get out of high school and into the world at large.

I sang along at the top of my lungs until I got choked up and couldn't get some of the words out.  And I remembered (then came home and found) a quote in Lynda Barry's book The Good Times are Killing Me:

Do you ever wonder what is music?  Who invented it and what for and all that?  And why hearing a certain song can make a whole entire time of your life suddenly just rise up and stick in your brain?

The song was Part of the Plan by Dan Fogelberg.  The first stanza is "I have these moments all steady and strong, I'm feeling so holy and humble.  The next thing I know I'm all worried and weak, I feel myself starting to crumble."  You can google the lyrics or find the song online if it doesn't already come rising up into your brain and stick there.  But if you don't, the last lines are "There is no Eden or heavenly gates that you're gonna make it to one day.  But all of the answers you seek can be found in dreams that you dream along the way."

This made me recall my dreams from that time in my life.  I wanted to go to college. (I did, twice!)  I wanted to find meaningful work. (I did!)  I wanted friends. (I've been blessed!)  I wanted Jimmy Carter to be president for life. (Struck out there.)  In my late 20s I began to dream of having a family.  It took a long time for that dream to manifest, but it eventually did as well.    All these dreams have made my life meaningful.  I am grateful, I am grateful, I am grateful.