The Best that We Can

It's Wednesday.  Day 3 of my "personal leave" which my employer was kind enough to grant me due to health concerns regarding Covid-19.  I can use vacation time, or take time off without pay.  I may be able to go back to work to perform tasks not related to direct patient care, if they are offered or available.  My employer as an organization, my supervisor, and my coworkers are all being so kind and supportive.  Most of my coworkers are still seeing patients.  I am so grateful to them.  I can't overstate that, how grateful I am to my team.

Here at home, the old ladies woke up the teenage boy at 10:45 a.m. by (heavens!) laughing loudly in the living room.  Oops.  This is one of those times when we should all just think "X, Y, or Z is just doing the best that they can."  (Thanks Brene Brown!)

Last night I watched Stop Making Sense on VUDU.  Then I watched clips from the SNL show a few weeks ago hosted by John Mulaney and with David Byrne as the musical guest.  Then I made my daughter watch the clips.  (Sorry kids, I'm just doing the best that I can.)

Every day Mr Main Squeeze and I meet up to walk the dog out at Rymer Park.  We get our daily dose of vitamin D, exercise, and each other that way.  Tomorrow weather permitting I'm hoping we can get out to Funks Grove for a longer walk. 

This morning I got out my "go book" and checked that all my documents, including my will, are up to date.  I know that sounds depressing, but I was relieved that for the most part it was in order.  And I was proud of myself for doing it instead of just thinking "oh I should go through my documents...." then falling asleep.    I have been thinking about death more lately for obvious reasons.  Some times it's with fear, or anger, and sometimes with peace.  I hope I'm ready when the time comes.  I have spent more time thinking about what happens after we die.  I'm in a stage of wishful thinking about that.  Trying to imagine it's the best it can be. 

This morning while meditating I listened to some music and watched beautiful video of trees, rivers, mountains, clouds, stars, the planet from space.  That's what my wishful thinking mind wants.  But there should also be music.  Not just spacey meditation music, but also my favorite songs on a long rotating schedule. Also the sound of red-wing blackbirds from Rymer Park.  And some quiet times. 

Speaking of music, after encouragement from friends I ordered some Air Pods.

 My son showed me how to use them so I didn't have to read the directions.  (I think in my perfect afterlife I won't have to read directions EVER.)   I can walk around the house listening to music and dancing a bit, and singing along at times, and for the most part not bother anyone.  So maybe I'm already in the Wishful Thinking Afterlife.  Yes, I think I may well be!