The Long Pause

I'm not sure why the heck I stopped blogging about a year and a half ago.  It wasn't intentional, certainly.  I think I just didn't feel inspired.  Or maybe I was weary of the pandemic back in September 2020 and so now that it's over....hahaha..ha..ha.

I am about to go get tested for the virus (yes, you know which one, don't pretend you don't) again for the 3rd time in a month.  Got tested before Christmas because I had just been on a crowded Amtrak train and wanted to spend part of the day with family.  (I got to do that!)  Got tested a couple weeks ago after a potential exposure at the gym.  (Still negative.)  Now another possible exposure, five days ago, so here I go again.  

This morning I reread my posts from the first several months of COVID-19, as the first cases appeared in my area, as I stopped working for a while then returned to work.  I revisited the things I missed early on while we all hunkered down to avoid getting sick.    Even though the pandemic is still around, with more cases than ever and the highest local rates of transmission to date, I am able to enjoy many of those things I missed back in 2020.  I missed my book group, and we have been able to meet in person again, outside during good weather, and indoors after we all got vaccinated.  I missed hugging my mom, which we are able to do again, now that we are vaccinated.  I missed in-person church, which we have again though without holding hands and singing, and we all wear masks and sit far apart.  I've been able to travel safely by camping in my van when the weather is good (as in temperatures above zero which excludes today.)

I feel that same tension many of us feel between being cautious to stay safe and wanting to live life as fully as possible.  Instead of going out for drinks with 2 friends a few weeks ago I had them over for some wine in my living room.  Not completely risk free, but not being in a room with 30 strangers.  (It was more fun and cheaper, too!!)   Instead of longing for pre-Covid days, I find myself longing for the summer of 2021 when most of us were vaccinated and neither delta nor omicron had moved into town.  

I've paused from blogging, but not from living.  I am grateful to be able to hike, to be with friends in small groups, to have a fire in my backyard firepit.  I don't live alone (one benefit of late motherhood, here I am a retired person with a teenager in the house!) so I don't get as lonely as I might.  I think we have all learned to live with more uncertainty and (most of the time) be okay with it.  I know I am more grateful than ever for small blessings.